Crazy people love my crutches

Dude. I don't know what it is, but my crutches are attracting crazy people like, well, crazy!

Last night, I got locked out of the apartment (short, but boring story--let's just say Brian bought me several drinks out of guilt as a result). I had to take the bus to get to the Bovine for the Battle (I was totally late, missed 87% of Second City's spot--goddamnit). So of course the nice homeless man on the bus immediately befriends me and discusses the fine RTD bus pass options (he goes for the local pass at a very fair $29/month). He supposes they might have a deal for crutch-bound folks such as myself. He literally did not stop talking the whole time. I didn't even have to participate in the conversation! Awesome. I can nod my head for a long time, easy.

Then, in the short time I left the house to get coffee this morning two people accosted me to tell me their stories. The first person says "Those are no fun. You don't want to know what I did to have to be on those!" And I didn't, so I tried to continue on, but apparently, he did want to tell me. (He almost lost his leg in the Golf war--spent two and a half years and five surgeries to recover--a sad story indeed.) He didn't want to know my story--which is fine, because I didn't want to share--but I found it hilarious that he basically stopped me in the store, unsolicited, to tell me HIS.

Then, as I'm walking up the sidewalk to my apartment, trying to balance my grocery bag, latte, crutches, and keys, a woman turns around--she has a cane, and amazing amount of gigantic warts all over her face (way worse than the witch in Hansel and Gretel, I promise)--and says, "I hope I never have to use those!" I give a polite laugh, hoping this is the end of our exchange. (It isn't). She continues, "'Course, with MY conditions, you never know..." So then I'm talking with her for fifteen minutes about the evils of hormone-injected food on our society's health and how China didn't have any diseases until McDonalds set up shop over there.

I'm telling you, if you ever feel you have a hard time making friends, just walk around on crutches and you'll make a ton...they just all might be crazy.