Give unto others

Update: I had a few good weeks there. I was excited to blog about how many times I did the stationary bike for 30 minutes without pain or swelling. Today was the day I was supposed to try walking without crutches again. Alas, my leg swelled up on Friday, and it’s been that way since. No cane for me today.

It’s the holiday season and generosity has been on my mind lately. Mainly because the stress of wanting to give more than my budget allows looms. Also, I’ve been materially OBSESSED since we moved into our new place last week (also the reason of my long absence from blogging). Our half-duplex is wonderful and has three times the space of our previous 480 sq-ft apartment, but now I feel the need to FILL the space. We’ve been doing well getting furniture from friends and family and finding inexpensive items on Craigslist. (I got four Pottery Barn wine-colored velvet drapes for over 80% of the retail price! Deal!) But even a little money here and there adds up fast, and I can’t help feeling guilty buying STUFF when there are so many worthier causes out there.

With that in mind, I was on my way home from picking up a $10 bookcase and I saw a homeless man at the light asking for money. It was a cold and rainy day, so I reached out my window to hand him a dollar. He kind of slipped off the curb a little when he went to take it. Then, the way he said “Thank you so much, mam,” was so earnest, well, it all made my heart swell for this person. The next moment I saw the light turn green and I immediately became worried about the car behind me getting mad at me, so I took off, distracted, saying “have a good day” like I was a drive-thru worker and like his day wasn't obviously going to not be super-great. I’m not saying I had to write him a poem on the spot, but still, I was rude.

As I drove home all I could think of was how heartfelt his “thank you” had been, while my speeding off—not even giving this human a genuine response or a moment’s connection, made me feel decidedly ungenerous.

Yoga Journal has a great article on generosity this month. I read it today and it made me feel better because it gave me a chance to change. It talks about the different kinds of generosity from the easy, unthinking kind to the guilty or expectation-laden kind. It made me consider how I can rethink my idea of generosity and change it from simply giving money to giving kindness and genuineness, like the guy at the light gave me.