Another edition of This Old Bone…

I’ve been thinking a lot about this idea of having “hardware” inside of me, and of its failing. It’s weird being a human with internal hardware that needs a fixer-up. I thought maybe the fact that it’s failing might be because I had a surgeon do the internal construction instead of a carpenter (silly me!). My dad is a carpenter and I used to watch This Old House with him all the time. I thought maybe TOH would have a solution for securing my metal plate (let’s call it femoral “siding”), so I went to their web site and they did! All I had to do was replace “house” with “bone.” Perfect!

Welcome to This Old Bone:
Whether it’s cracked, rotted, or the victim of a woodpecker’s bill (we really, don’t know what happened to cause things to fail, and I was in nature a few weekends ago), a damaged strip of siding is an open invitation for leaks to wreak havoc on a bone. So when a piece needs fixing, it’s a task that merits a big red flag on the “To do” list (too true!).

Replacing broken siding isn’t that difficult (oh goody!), but as This Old Bone general contractor Tom Silva shows it’s a delicate process that takes patience and precision. “If you’re not careful, it’s easy to break the surrounding bone,” he says, “and then you’ll end up ­installing much more new siding than you intended.” (Good advice, Tom! Let’s be careful!)

Power tools are out for this job (phew!): too much vibration (and too bulky!). ­Siding repair is best done with hand tools—with one exception. “Forget the tape measure,” Tom says (noted). Instead, you can size the ­replacement using the old siding as a template, a simple technique that virtually guarantees a tight fit on the first try. (Sounds good!)

There’s a good lesson for you: When it comes to hardware, never send a surgeon to do a carpenter’s job!