Now
Okay, here’s a thought really quickly (I leave for my appt. in 5 minutes):
Brian and I saw Peaceful Warrior on Monday night. We both read the book a while ago too, but it was a good message to hear again. (It’s a pretty amazing mostly-true story.) It’s all about living in the NOW, and how we are not fully awake in life until we really attune ourselves to the present moment. This morning when I was reading my morning chapter from Shambala: The Sacred Path of the Warrior, this message came up again. The chapter was all about letting go, about releasing all the junk in our brain that takes us away from fully living life and finding relaxation within discipline (the discipline of being present and genuine at all times):
“The result of practicing the discipline of warriorship is that you learn to stop ambition and frivolity, and out of that you develop a good sense of balance. Balance comes not from holding onto a situation, but by making friends with heaven and earth.” (Heaven being vision and earth being practicality.) I have to say, that explains exactly what I strive for in life, but yet, at most times it feels so difficult to fully achieve.
I’ve just been WAITING for over a week now.
It’s a strange place to be: knowing that you are just a day, hours, minutes away from hearing news that could immediately change your life. Of course, we have all been in this place before, whether we knew it or not, and could be there again in an instant.
So during some moments today I felt serene—enjoying being able to go to the coffee shop and work, going to my favorite vegetarian restaurant for lunch—knowing I could be in the hospital again tomorrow makes today a great day. When you know there is no point in making plans for the future when your future is TBD by forces outside yourself, there is also no point in worrying about the future; it’s best to just submit and be totally in the now. Of course, most days aren’t like this--you have to find that balance of living in the moment and having vision for your future and higher self. Now, I’m off…
posted by Bone-a-fide @ 1:39 PM
2 Comments:
Yes, I know this feeling. In the first year after my surgery, I ended up waiting to see the surgeon a few times with what could have been serious issues. Lots of pain, lots of possibilities. I remember sitting in a coffee shop knowing peace and complete uncertainty at the same time, knowing that is a very rare place to be.
What an adventure, to see yourself in so many strange situations you would have never imagined...to see yourself rise to the occasion. Strong, imaginative, hopeful. I didn't know myself until all of this. And still, nearly three years into it, I am finding more strength. It has taken all of this time for me to realize that, if I needed it, I just might be able to agree to chemo. Or I really could deal with amputation. I've finally realized I can deal with whatever I face. It might be extremely difficult, but I can do it. I didn't think that way before.
Anyway, enough about me. I hope that your appointment goes well and that you get some answers, or some more tests, or some direction, or at least a lollypop??? Hey, maybe we should talk on the phone sometime. ;)
Beautifully said, Mary. Thanks. Yes, let's talk in real time soon!
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