Feed me

“Genuine renunciation is born out of the growing awareness that in every moment of our life, in every situation, we are completely preoccupied with nothing other than trying to feed ourselves, glut and stuff ourselves with whatever feels good—physically, emotionally, socially, spiritually. At a certain point, it all becomes so disgusting that we want to walk away from the whole thing, no matter what the cost.” ~ quote from the Dharma Ocean website (www.dharmaocean.org).

Folks, I don’t know about you, but this quote rings so true for me right now. Maybe it’s the vacuum created by the enormous transition that just took place with the wedding. Or maybe it’s the holiday fever on the horizon, the changing of the weather, shorting of the days, or the delightfully-dreadful return of primetime TV. Whatever it is, I’ve been feeling this overwhelming need to “fill” myself. I’ve been eating more, watching more TV, packing my “dance card” full of activities, and feeling this general anxiety of What next, What do I need to do.

I truly felt like my best self on the day of our wedding. The same is true for the day of my surgery almost two years ago. On both days I felt healthy, strong, centered, and calm. Why can’t I always live like I’m preparing for my wedding or surgery?

How do we align ourselves with our best intentions even when there isn’t a big event to prepare for? I guess the answer to that is: practice. And as the quote above suggests, renunciation. Sometimes giving up comforts or habits that no longer serve us feels like suffering, but in reality, it's the key to relieving our deeper suffering.

It's also about finding the balance, the middle path. As humans, we tend to swing on the pendulum between the highs and lows of life. It’s true there are natural cycles to life, and I’m not suggesting we need to constantly be on or perfect by any means. But I do think that during the most important cycles in our life—the ones that are calm and silent and seemingly not monumental—many of us get uncomfortable and try to stuff that "void" with whatever we think may temporarily make us feel better; when really it’s those times that are ripe with possibility for our greatness growth.

It’s my intention to not go through another holiday season like Ms. Pac-Man.