Ch-ch-changes

UPDATE: I’ve been waiting to make this announcement (didn’t want to jinx it), but…drum roll…I’ve been a cane for a week now! Hooray! All is going well. My leg started getting a little swollen yesterday, but I caught it in time, rested, iced it, and it’s in good shape again. In light of the good news, (and in thanks of the health and love I have on this Thanksgiving-eve) I have a rather reflective blog today.

Brian and I moved into our new place a few weeks ago. After my surgery last December, we were lucky enough to stay in an elevator-access building near MSKCC for two months, and then with Brian’s aunt and uncle, right on Central Park and also near the hospital. This was great for my recovery, but meant we never returned to live in our apartment in Brooklyn again, except for one weekend in April when we packed the whole thing up. When we arrived in Denver in May, we lived in a small one-bedroom condo, but didn’t unpack the majority of our boxes since we were waiting to move to a bigger place. SO. This is the first place we have really been able to call home in eleven months. It feels good. However, Brian and I have discovered it’s been kind of an emotional experience as well.

Basically, it was like our old life had been locked up in a time capsule and we're slowly excavating it now. Like all the pictures of our “before” life; or my angel mobile that I created with the names of everyone who had helped me, or I knew were praying for me; or the pair of pajamas I wore all the time during the weeks after surgery. I put those PJs on again a few nights ago and was flooded with the memory of the months I spent being in bed most of the day with my leg in the continuous passive motion machine. I feel slow now, but I was REALLY slow then. It’s weird.

With all the memories coming back as we build a new home together, I wanted to focus on our present and future, and create some new healthy habits for myself. I had been wanting to do a cleanse since surgery (to rid my body of the remnants of anesthesia and painkillers), but, you’re not supposed to do one after surgery. I figured eleven months was a long enough time to wait so last week I finished a nine days cleanse, which included five days of a liquids-only diet.

Last week I also started going to Kundalini yoga classes, which I’ve wanted to do for a couple years now, but for some reason was scared to. After my cleanse I felt grounded, healthy, and finally ready to try it. Kundalini yoga focuses on breath work and chants and mudras (hand positions). It has been amazing, and because there are almost no standing poses, I can participate in the whole class. I leave there feeling totally energized and rejuvenated. I knew most of these elements of yoga from the training I completed last year, but these classes are putting them together in a whole new way that is intense and transformative.

Power of the mind-body connection, yo!

You’re so adopted all the time

Everyone, please meet Blossom, my adopted turkey. Blossom, everyone.

Isn't she a cutie?!

I know most of you won’t like my blog topic today but, I’m so happy, I have to share. I adopted a turkey! As a vegetarian, I’m always kind of like the Grinch Who Stole Thanksgiving. For the past fourteen years, I’ve found it annoying that Thanksgiving, a day of sharing and togetherness, somehow becomes Turkey Day. You thaw it for days ahead of time, it takes up the oven for hours so you can’t bake other, animal-friendly dishes, the family salivates in carnivorous anticipation, and the whole meal hinges on when the bird is done. It’s very hegemonic. What about the equality of the entrees? No justice for the green beans, no peace for the yams!

But more than annoyance with the bird-centric holiday, I find it sad for the turkeys. As it says at the Adopt-A-Turkey site: “Like all animals, turkeys experience pain and suffering, yet they are specifically excluded from state and federal animal protection laws. As a result, turkeys are subjected to intolerable cruelty at factory farms and slaughterhouses across the United States.” (Click here for more horrifying statistics on the turkey industry--like debeaking and detoeing.)

So the adopt-a-turkey program saves thousands of turkeys from the slaughterhouse, and enables them to be adopted into homes, or taken care of on the Farm Sanctuary (where Blossom is—if our landlord won’t let us have a puppy, I’m pretty certain it’s a no on the turkey pet). In turkey-eaters defense, I’m sure there are non-tortured birds for sale as well, and Brian did buy a small organic turkey for his family, which is at least a step in the right direction. Still, I think this will be the first Thanksgiving I’ll feel a little at ease. While I’ll have to look at the cooked friend on the table, at least I’ll know little Blossom is healthy and roaming free!

Give unto others

Update: I had a few good weeks there. I was excited to blog about how many times I did the stationary bike for 30 minutes without pain or swelling. Today was the day I was supposed to try walking without crutches again. Alas, my leg swelled up on Friday, and it’s been that way since. No cane for me today.

It’s the holiday season and generosity has been on my mind lately. Mainly because the stress of wanting to give more than my budget allows looms. Also, I’ve been materially OBSESSED since we moved into our new place last week (also the reason of my long absence from blogging). Our half-duplex is wonderful and has three times the space of our previous 480 sq-ft apartment, but now I feel the need to FILL the space. We’ve been doing well getting furniture from friends and family and finding inexpensive items on Craigslist. (I got four Pottery Barn wine-colored velvet drapes for over 80% of the retail price! Deal!) But even a little money here and there adds up fast, and I can’t help feeling guilty buying STUFF when there are so many worthier causes out there.

With that in mind, I was on my way home from picking up a $10 bookcase and I saw a homeless man at the light asking for money. It was a cold and rainy day, so I reached out my window to hand him a dollar. He kind of slipped off the curb a little when he went to take it. Then, the way he said “Thank you so much, mam,” was so earnest, well, it all made my heart swell for this person. The next moment I saw the light turn green and I immediately became worried about the car behind me getting mad at me, so I took off, distracted, saying “have a good day” like I was a drive-thru worker and like his day wasn't obviously going to not be super-great. I’m not saying I had to write him a poem on the spot, but still, I was rude.

As I drove home all I could think of was how heartfelt his “thank you” had been, while my speeding off—not even giving this human a genuine response or a moment’s connection, made me feel decidedly ungenerous.

Yoga Journal has a great article on generosity this month. I read it today and it made me feel better because it gave me a chance to change. It talks about the different kinds of generosity from the easy, unthinking kind to the guilty or expectation-laden kind. It made me consider how I can rethink my idea of generosity and change it from simply giving money to giving kindness and genuineness, like the guy at the light gave me.