Too particular

I admit it: I’m becoming too particular. I’m turning myself into a stereotype. What was the breaking point moment of my realization? Picture, if you will:

I’m at the mall after work shopping for “cute but supportive” shoes. (That word "supportive" matched with shoes = health-nerd clue #1.) There will be no Sex and the City-worthy foot fashion to be found in my closet. I’m sipping a freshly juiced parsley-cucumber-apple-carrot-ginger juice. For real. My eyes are bloodshot from the effects of a single glass of wine the night before throwing off the highly alkaline ph I had built up from a two-week raw-food cleanse.

Through heavy eyes, I squint down at my Danskos. Nothing less sexy than those shoes, I think. Until I slip them off and notice the putty-colored lift in the left heel. That’ll top ‘er. I also see that I’ve spent the day wearing a pair of black pants that were hemmed too high and don’t quite cover my ankles. Like the organic cherry on top of this vegan-nerd-sundae, my plastic Q-link--which protects me from the dangerous Electro-Magnetic Rays that surround us and which I wear attached to a chain around my neck--dangles out of its hiding spot under my sweater and into plain site. As if to greet everyone with a big “Hello, yes, I’m paranoid of even the things I can’t see or feel.”

Also, my hair was a little greasy because I felt too tired that morning to wash it properly on account of the wild night of imbibing one glass of wine.

Yeah...arch-support shoes, high-water pants, an inability to handle small quantities of alcohol, and the ultimate accessory of paranoia. In that moment, I felt like a super hot catch. It’s hard to even make fun of myself at this point. I would need someplace to go to be able heighten the joke—but I’ve already heightened it with my actual choices. I AM the joke.

Results are in...

Congratulations. Because of you using your voice for change, our country has restored its sense of hope in democracy and the possibility of a bright future for our children…oh wait…no, not quite yet. But I AM waaay closer to deciding on a kickass haircut.

I love having you all vote on my life decisions. Fun! Here are the results from my poll:

#1
2 votes for the Anne Heche look
1 vote for the Justine Bateman look
1 vote for something different
Decision: you will have to wait until this Saturday when I get my haircut to find out.

#2
A mix of opinions.
Decision: I will go back to college so I can become Amy Poehler when I grow up.

#3
Majority ruled for “doing my taxes.” I listened to the people, and the experience was HORRIBLE. Not only do I OWE money for the first time in my life, I owe A LOT of money. So long savings account. The benefit was I finally cleaned my office and got a ton of filing done as well. It was miserable work, but I’m glad to be able to see my office floor again.

Vote! (On my life)

Okay folks, in the spirit of the election year, I’m inviting you to practice your voting powers on...my life!:

#1. I know they're similar, but which Men in Trees star should I style my next hair cut after?:
A: Return to my Justine Bateman style
B: Go with the slightly fullerAnne Heche look
C: None of the above

#2. Right now I'm doing too much. So my question to you is: based on what you know about me, what should I focus on? (Or said another way, what should I be when I grow up!?!):
A: Finish writing my young adult novel

B: Improviser and workshop teacher
C: Start my own yoga business
D: Stick to what I'm doing 4FR

E: Some combo of the above
F: All of the above
G: None of the above; instead I should be _____________

#3. What SUPER FUN thing should I do this weekend?:
A: My taxes
B: FINALLY take care of my wedding dress
C: Clean out the closets and donate my old clothes