Crazy people love my crutches

Dude. I don't know what it is, but my crutches are attracting crazy people like, well, crazy!

Last night, I got locked out of the apartment (short, but boring story--let's just say Brian bought me several drinks out of guilt as a result). I had to take the bus to get to the Bovine for the Battle (I was totally late, missed 87% of Second City's spot--goddamnit). So of course the nice homeless man on the bus immediately befriends me and discusses the fine RTD bus pass options (he goes for the local pass at a very fair $29/month). He supposes they might have a deal for crutch-bound folks such as myself. He literally did not stop talking the whole time. I didn't even have to participate in the conversation! Awesome. I can nod my head for a long time, easy.

Then, in the short time I left the house to get coffee this morning two people accosted me to tell me their stories. The first person says "Those are no fun. You don't want to know what I did to have to be on those!" And I didn't, so I tried to continue on, but apparently, he did want to tell me. (He almost lost his leg in the Golf war--spent two and a half years and five surgeries to recover--a sad story indeed.) He didn't want to know my story--which is fine, because I didn't want to share--but I found it hilarious that he basically stopped me in the store, unsolicited, to tell me HIS.

Then, as I'm walking up the sidewalk to my apartment, trying to balance my grocery bag, latte, crutches, and keys, a woman turns around--she has a cane, and amazing amount of gigantic warts all over her face (way worse than the witch in Hansel and Gretel, I promise)--and says, "I hope I never have to use those!" I give a polite laugh, hoping this is the end of our exchange. (It isn't). She continues, "'Course, with MY conditions, you never know..." So then I'm talking with her for fifteen minutes about the evils of hormone-injected food on our society's health and how China didn't have any diseases until McDonalds set up shop over there.

I'm telling you, if you ever feel you have a hard time making friends, just walk around on crutches and you'll make a ton...they just all might be crazy.

Get THIS!:

Commission for People with Disabilities
Denver Parking Law
Sec. 54-485.
b) Any vehicle with distinguishing license plates or an identifying placard obtained by a person with a mobility impairment as prescribed by law, and being utilized by such person, may be parked free of charge in a parking metered space or multi-space section controlled by a parking meter during such hours that parking is permitted in such parking metered space or multi-space section, for a time period authorized by the parking meter or for four (4) consecutive hours, whichever is greater, regardless of the time period otherwise allowed for parking in the parking metered space or multi-space section controlled by such meter.

OMG! WHY didn’t I know about THIS aspect of my parking placard earlier?! I’m so excited. Now I can park close to the theater and my new job without having to crutch five blocks from the bus, or spend $10 to park in a lot for a day. WOO HOO!

(Yay for all the people who have worked so hard to make laws like these a reality!)

cont...

And yet, and yet…

There’s that guy serving beer who hops,
A half-body builder, a hunky legless bartender
He’s gay in both ways, this happy hops hopper

And that nice girl who wheels by,
A funky punk without a hip or a care
She’s a hipless hipster, carefree in her chair

Both have felt loss but are not themselves lost
Can't woe-is-me too long if they can press on
They continue with a smile, and so will I
…once in a while

A melodramatic moment…

My knee is surrounded in pouffery
A squishy semblance of what used to be
Pressing at the skin and scar
As if any day it will push too far
Poof-puff-bam—this knee
A memory of what once carried me

Now I drag this leg along
A dead weight of a life now gone
Aching to hike to step at last
On this bulging mass of wishes past

Not yet, not yet

When, when, when,

(Will I ever walk again?)

Goulish Knee

On Saturday my leg was feeling strong again so I tried a little light cleaning around the house, sans crutches (like my doctor said I could!), did my PT, and gentle yoga. By Saturday night, POOF, my knee swelled up again. The discouraging part is it hasn’t gone down, even when I’ve spent hours each day in my fancy-pants new knee-icing machine. What’s the deal? I don’t mean to whine, but frankly, to me, it’s scarier than previews for The Grudge 2.

Bloggin' for my mama

My mom has sent me at least three emails in the past week giving me flack for not blogging! This is funny because she’s probably the one person I update most consistently about my life. Still, she feels left out when I don’t blog every day. It’s sweet (but my next blog will be titled: guilt-trip.blogspot.com).

A couple exciting things happened to me this week: On Tuesday, I visited my friend Ben’s senior English classes at Stanley Lake High School. I came as a “visiting artist” to talk about my writing and performance experience. How hilarious is that. I did a reading from my one-woman show, Bone-a-fide: A Tumorous Comedy and was surprised when the kids actually laughed in the places I intended to be funny. It was so fun just talking about writing and performing and how to turn the tragic things in life into art. It made me feel “official” and it inspired me to want to work on the second half of my one-woman show again. I would love to perform at cancer conferences and fundraising events so other people who have experienced similar struggles can laugh along with me.

Then tonight Ben and I went to see The Second City: “Losing My Denverginity.” It’s a great show and at intermission the stage manager came up to us and said the cast requested us to join them in their improv set after the sketch show, and we agreed. So a dream of mine came true tonight: I PERFORMED WITH THE SECOND CITY!!! It was just a twenty-minute improv set, and I didn’t jump into that many scenes because I felt weird 1. Because the audience paid to see Second City, not me, and 2. I was on crutches and felt a little limited by my mobility. But still, it was fun, a dream come true, and I love everyone in that cast—not only are they super talented, but they’re also wonderful, kindhearted people. Plus, they’re fun to hang out with and I’ll miss them when they return to Chicago. I hope they all go far after leaving our fair city in December.

Oh, also, in not-as-fun news I had an interview today and will start phone-fundraising next week. It’s just about the only second job I can manage while on crutches. I’m actually excited because we’re fundraising for progressive organizations and I’ll feel more in touch with what’s going on in the world and the elections this November. However, it is not lost on me that I was a canvasser for Clean Water Action when I was nineteen, and this is pretty much the same work, except via phone, ten years later. It will be good extra cash, but I have to ask myself, how far have I come in the last decade?

Okay, okay, I’ve beaten cancer AND played with The Second City, so I guess it hasn’t been a total wash. (Ha ha.)

Readers Rock

I LOVE the library! After my setback, I was feeling a little more cooped-up than usual, so I made my way to the Denver Public Library and loaded up on books. Ever since then, I feel like a kid again—when I was little my mom and I would go over to the Glenview Public Library and get a bag full of children’s books every week. Now I’m doing the same thing: I bring my brown Whole Foods bag and return my stack of weekly reads, and then fill up another bag full of books. It’s great.

One of the reasons I’m reading so fast is because I’ve become obsessed with Teen Fiction. I’ve started writing my own, so I’m “researching” the genre (and by researching I mean, having a great excuse to read books that are supposedly not for people my age). There are so many great ones out there:

Laurie Halse Anderson (Speak; and Catalyst)
Carolyn Mackler (Vegan Virgin Valentine; and The Earth, My Butt, and Other Big Round Things)
Sarah Dessen (The Truth About Forever; That Summer; Just Listen)

And, in non-Teen fiction, I’ve also started reading Maggie Estep’s mysteries: Hex; and Gargantuan. She is such a poetic writer (in fact, in speech team in high school I competed in Poetry and won with her poem “I Am The Sex Goddess of the Western Hemisphere”—which is a hilarious piece).

Anyway, all this writing and reading (with more of a purpose than “just for fun”) has been highly fulfilling, and it makes me realize I might not ever have stumbled upon this joy if not for my setback.

I’m not saying I’m happy about the setback, I’m just saying sometimes good things come from dark places.

Hugs

Have you all seen this video? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vr3x_RRJdd4&eurl
It brought tears to my sappy self.

Here's the full story behind the Hug Man: http://www.smh.com.au/articles/2006/09/28/1159337257843.html

Like an athlete

I’m in training, folks! Or at least it would appear that way. This morning I woke up, did my leg exercises for an hour and a half, Tiger Balmed my shoulders and neck, then elevated and iced my knee as I heated up my low-back with my heating pad. I felt—and smelled—just like an athlete! (Except instead of heading out to the triathlon, I crutched the two feet to my desk to blog.)

Not getting anywhere fast

Ever feel like you're running in place?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WJAPEykj-fg&eurl=

I've watched this so many times now. So funny. And so sad. (Hey! Just like life!)

MySpace, yo

So even though I'm not in a band, famous, or a teenager, I've set up a MySpace page.
Check it out at:
http://www.myspace.com/saraalan

And if you have a MySpace account, I wanna be your friend!

Home again

I have returned from NYC. It's such an exciting city--I got that feeling I want to be here, to be a part of this! I love its energy, but realized (again) that I don’t have that kind of energy right now. So it works out. As if to prove it, my shoulders feel like two giant bricks from all the avenues and blocks of crutching around. Plus, it’s freakin’ expensive there.

BUT. It was a super fun seeing my good friends and eating delicious food (the two things I miss most about The Big City!).

So. My appointment with Dr. Healey:
He wants me to stay on crutches for six more weeks.
They have no idea why I’m having pain or puffiness (great, thanks).
The good news is whatever is causing the pain and puffiness, it’s not one of the five big things to worry about. It’s NOT: recurrence (hallelujah!), mal-union, infection, fracture, or “catastrophic hardware failure.” Yay!